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[Golden Rules of Ensemble Playing] [Musical Anecdotes] [Flute Anecdotes]
[Things Flautists Do to Relieve Stress] 
[Musical Happy Families] [The Screecher Family] [The Beat Family] [The Scrape Family]
[Brass Players Rules] [Musical Terms] 

If you feel the need to link - feel free but please respect the fact that this is my own work - the result of many years teaching and performing and should you wish to use any of the material ~

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Musilogical Absurdities

A-B-A Form: a musical convention long preferred by composers who can't "C."

Adagio Fromaggio: to play in a slow and cheesy manner.

A La Regretto: tempo assigned to a performance by the conductor AFTER it is panned by the local music critics.

Al Capone: performing while standing on a neutered rooster.

Al Dente con tableau: in opera, chew the scenery.

Allegro Con Brillo: the fastest way to wash pots and pans.

An Dante: A musical composition that is Infernally slow.

Angus Dei: a divine, beefy tone.

Antiphonal: referring to the prohibition of cell phones in the concert hall

A Patella: unaccompanied knee-slapping.

Appologgiatura: an ornament you regret after playing it.

Approximatura: a series of notes played by a performer and not intended by the composer, especially when disguised with an air of "I meant to do that."

Approximento: a musical entrance that is somewhat close to the correct pitch.

Baffoon: baboon with bassoon.

Barbie Dolce: sweet but plastic.

Bar Line: what musicians form after a concert.

Bass Lure: a seductive refrain.

Basso Continuo: the act of game fishing after the legal season has ended.

Basso Profundo: an opera about deep sea fishing.

Basso Refundo: the sad but predictable consequence of the ill-fated "Three Basses" concert tour.

Brake Drum: The instrument most used to slow the tempo in an orchestra.

Bull Horn: a brass instrument that plays notes you wouldn't believe.

Cacophany: composition incorporating many people with chest colds.

Carmina Banana: a medieval musical plantain.

Concerto Con Carne: a piece for single instrument played in a "chili" manner.

Concerto Grosso: a really BAD performance.

Contrababoon: the simian assistant of a Latin American revolutionary organ grinder.

Coral Symphony: (see: Beethoven -- Caribbean period).

Cornetti Trombosis: disastrous entanglement of brass instruments that can occur when musicians are not careful exiting the stage.

Crashendo: the increasing sense of aggravation felt by band members as those trumpet players keep dropping their mutes on the hard stage floor.

D.C. al Capone: you betta go back to the beginning, capiche?

Dill Piccolo: a wind instrument that plays only sour notes.

Diminderwindo: fading of daylight at dusk, as seen from indoors.

Diminuendo: the process of quieting a rumor in the orchestra pit.

Eardrum: a teeny, tiny tympani.

Etude Brute: an early form of Roman music performed with a rapid, sharp, repetitive beat.

Fermantra: a note that is held over and over and over and... 

Fermatahorn: an Alpine wind instrument used for playing long notes.

Fermoota: a rest of indefinite length and dubious value.

Fiddler Crabs: grumpy string players.

Flute Flies: gnat-like bugs that bother musicians playing out-of-doors.

Fog Horn: a brass instrument that plays when the conductor's intentions are not clear.

Fortississippi: with mighty, flowing strength.

Frugalhorn: a sensible, inexpensive brass instrument.

Fruitti Tutti: a chorus singing together in an exaggerated, overripe manner.

Gaul Blatter: a French horn player.

Good Conductor: A person who can give an electrifying performance.

Grace Note: the I.O.U. you deposit in the church collection plate when you're out of cash.

Gregorian Champ: monk who can hold a note the longest.

Ground Brass: when someone in the marching band drops a sousaphone.

Ground Hog: someone who takes control of the repeated bass line and won't let others play it.

Herbert von Carryon: a conductor who never rides in the cargo hold.

Hyperportamento: a tone that soars, bends, strains until it pierces into another dimension and leaves, ever after, a porthole to heaven.

Kvetchendo: gradually getting ANNOYINGLY louder.

Maestrousseau: at the pace of a wedding march.

Mallade: a romantic song that's pretty awful 

Matterhorn: an instrument of cosmic influence designed to create something out of nothing.

Molto Bolto: head straight for the ending, but don't make it seemed rushed.

Mucho Caffinato: play loudly enough to wake up those sleeping in the audience.

Oeuferture: musical composition commissioned by the National Egg Marketing Council.

OraToro: a lawn mower may be substituted for the original instrumentation at this point.

Opera Buffa: musical stage production at a nudists' camp.

Pastorale: beverage to drink in the country when listening to Beethoven with a member of the clergy.

Pescado: to fish around until you find the right note, used most frequently in horn parts

Phollyphonic: badly arranged harmonizations.

Pianorama: instrument capable of broad, sweeping musical performances.

Pipe Smoker: an extremely virtuosic organist.

Pizzacato: the act of removing anchovies from an Italian dish with short, quick motions and tossing them to a nearby awaiting feline friend.

Placebo Domingo: faux tenor.

Pollyphonic: orchestra made up of lots of parrots

Poochini: When singing, to be accompanied by your dog.

Pre-Classical Conservatism: school of thought which fostered the idea, "if it ain't baroque, don't fix it"

Prelude: a cue, found in some of the earlier oratorios, instructing those singing the roles of the wicked to pray in an offensive or profane manner.

Presto Chango: quickly going from a very fast to a very slow tempo

Ppseudo-Dolce: Nutrasweet

(The) Rights of Strings: manifesto of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Bowed Instruments.

Rooti Tooti: use of a potato as a trumpet mute.

Rubato: cross between rhubarb and a tomato.

Schmaltzando: a sudden burst of music from the Guy Lombardo band.

Snacktus: Quiet, contemplative music played during the appetizer at Catholic wedding receptions

Sosaphone: a cylindrical wooden instrument used to play smash hits.

Spinet: politician's order .

Spritzicato: plucking of a stringed instrument to produce a bright, bubbly sound, usually accompanied by sparkling water with lemon (wine optional).

Status Cymbal: an instrument to be played at inaugurations and socialite balls.

Tempe Arizona: a hot passage.

Tempo Tantrum: what a young orchestra is having when it's not keeping time with the conductor.

Timpani Alley: a row of kettledrums. Term originated in New York City area.

Tincanabulation: the annoying or irritating sounds made by an unmusical person using extremely cheap bells. From Poe's "The Bells" and "tin cans".

Toiletto: the effect on the human voice of reverberation in small rooms with ceramic tiles.

Trouble Clef: any clef one can't read, e.g., the alto clef for pianists.

Vesuvioso: a gradual buildup to a fiery conclusion.

Woodwind: a noise in the game of golf, made by a club missing the ball on a tee shot.

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If you feel the need to link - feel free but please respect the fact that this is my own work - the result of many years teaching and performing and should you wish to use any of the material ~

PLEASE ASK!!

Carole B. Miller
Copyright � 2002 [Mostlywind]. All rights reserved.
Revised: February 10, 2009